To experience the bittersweet, to taste defeat, then brush my teeth

This past week I found out that I was not accepted for the Future Leaders program at McLean Bible Church. To me, this was a taste of defeat. My initial reaction was of great disappointment; I had really been hoping that this was the next step God had for me, because I truly believe that God wants to mold me into a leader: teach me, challenge me, train me, equip me...then at some point after that send me out. My plans were obviously disrupted.

But there lies my problem. In asking myself why I was so upset that I wasn't accepted, I realized that I had failed to truly TRUST God's will for my life. I had set aside his agenda and picked up my own, expecting him to bless me in and and open up the way for me. I knew that if I didn't get accepted to the program that it was God answering my prayer to close doors so that I may know his will. But I wasn't truly believing it. My idea of the "perfect" next step in my life is not the same as his, and I now see that I wasn't completely submitting to God's will. I only wanted to submit if his plan was the same as mine.

But God's will and his timing is perfect. My plans and timing usually are way off. This is why it is so wonderful that I have a loving and sovereign heavenly Father who is in control of my life. If I were actually in charge of my life in the way I sometimes think I am or wish I am, my life would be total chaos and I would probably be miserable. I would also lack purpose, because how would I remain steadfastly focused on Jesus? Well, I wouldn't. So praise God for his loving kindness, his goodness, his faithfulness, and his sovereignty. The pressure is off me to order and plan my life perfectly, because I can surrender my life and hopes and dreams and plans to God, knowing that he will place all those pieces together in a perfect and beautiful masterpiece.

So I am praying that God would help me to be patient in waiting on him to speak and move in my life, because it WILL be at the perfect time and in the perfect way. I will meditate on Psalm 27:14:

"Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."

And I am praying that God would help me to remain focused on what is important, what is essential, and what is central in life. I tend to get too caught up in what the next step in my life is. I'm always looking for the next thing to work or move toward. It's my task-oriented personality. I am driven and motivated by having a goal to work toward and accomplish.

I ask God, "So what's next? What's my new focus? What is my goal? What am I working toward?" And as all these questions enter my head and heart, God is saying, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not get carried away. I am your focus. I am the only thing in this life of lasting value."

It doesn't matter so much what I'm doing right now or what I'm going to be doing in one year, 5 years, 10 years; what matters is how and why I'm doing those things. Am I doing this or that because I believe God has asked or called me to? Am I doing it with joy and gladness in my heart, working as unto the Lord and not for man? Am I seeking to glorify God in it?

I know that I want to become a missionary overseas at some point in my life. I am constantly evaluating what I am currently doing and what I might do next that will move me closer to that "goal" in my life. My goal has a physical and material value, but it is also a temporal one. At the end of my life I don't want to know that I spent all my tie, energy, and resources pursuing a goal (however purely motivated or well-meaning), instead of pursuing my GOD, my FATHER, my SAVIOR, the LOVER OF MY SOUL. He is my life.

So again, it doesn't matter so much what my life looks like currently, or what the future might look like; what matters is that I praise the Lord in it. That I seek his will for each day and ask him how I might glorify him in every word, action, and thought. How might I praise my God and bring glory to his name today? I don't want to get bogged down in seeking, wondering, and worrying about a tomorrow that is not promised to me and is full of uncertainty. God reminds me of what he spoke to my heart not too long ago about remaining focused on him:

"My child, it does not matter. It is not for you to know right now. It only matters that you surrender it to me now; today, and each day after, if I ask it of you.
You are not promised tomorrow. Why get entangled in the unknown and unsure?
Trust in Me today. I will provide you what you need to get you through each day, just as I provided enough manna for the children of Israel. 
Look at ME. Why cast your eyes aside, only to lose sight of me each time? Look at ME. I am the answer. I am the way."


What a great reminder. Defeat doesn't have to be a discouragement and hindrance for us. My taste of defeat was bittersweet, because while initially it's not so easy to swallow, God is using this to instruct me and build my faith. This is just another opportunity for me to choose to trust God and his will over myself and my own plans. Once again, I must refocus, set my eyes on Jesus, and lay aside my worries that hinder my pursuit of God and all that he has for me. Then I might better live for the Lord's renown.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great crowd of witnesses, let us strip off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
(Hebrews 12:1-3)

And as the Relient K song says, "To experience the bittersweet, to taste defeat, then brush my teeth." I'm going to go brush my teeth and get ready for the day God has set before me.