Having moved to New Zealand about 4 1/2 months ago, the idea of this place being my home is still an elusive thing for me. While maybe it is physically and geographically; I don't feel like it's home.
If I were to define my home according to where my heart is, then I would have multiple homes. I feel that my heart is here in New Zealand with my wonderful husband and new in-laws; it is also in Minnesota where I grew up and my parents, two sisters, and beautiful niece live; parts of my heart are in Oregon and Arizona, where two of my oldest and dearest friends live; and still yet another piece of my heart is on the East Coast of the States where I went to college, made amazing friends and lived some of my post-college years building close relationships with two families.
There are people and places in my life that are very special to me and have helped shape and mold me into the woman I am today. And no matter where in the world I am physically, I will always have a piece of my heart--no matter how small or large--that is with them. While it can be a bit difficult at times to feel stretched so thin and far and wide across countries and between continents, what a beautiful problem. It means I have loved and been loved immensely and that I have had the opportunity to travel and experience the wonderful world that God has created. I am blessed.
And still...
Being here in this beautiful country, with a husband I love more with each passing day, with a lovely new family, a few new friends and acquaintances, and a place to call "my own," I don't feel that this is home. How do I get to that point? How do I arrive at that destination? I do not yet know.
Perhaps it will never happen, because so much of me is rooted in my American motherland. Perhaps it will simply take more time because things are still new. Maybe it is because I don't feel like I quite fit in here. Or it could be a result of the open-mindedness that Heath and I have concerning where we might live in a few years time. Perhaps it's because I have no job and have been on 'vacation' for 6 months, lacking routine and a feeling of purpose to ground me here. It could be a combination of any of these. I don't have the answers.
Whatever the reason, I want to p the thought that my heart is large enough to have so many pieces in so many places. Maybe I don't feel totally at home right where I am at this exact moment in time, but that's okay. Because if home really is where the heart is, maybe I have many homes, and I am a wealthy girl. Wealthy in love and glorious relationships with amazing people. And maybe I can try to feel at home inside the love of the people in my life instead.
