What I Miss the Most

As one can imagine, when you move to another country you miss things from your homeland. Some things are small and insignificant while others are large and important.

In trying to process so many NEW things and cope with missing old things, it can be a little overwhelming if I don't intentionally take a step back and see how I can learn and grow from this transitional period of my life.

So, aside from the obvious missing of my family and easily accessible Starbucks, what I miss most is intimate female relationships. I miss being able to call up a friend for a coffee date and catch up on life- talking unreservedly and openly, knowing that your confidences are safe within the confines of a tried and true friendship. Everyone has or has had a best friend in their lifetime—a soul sister if you will—so we all know how sweet this relationship is.

A best friend or circle of intimate friends is one of the biggest sources of joy in a woman’s life. Why? Because women were created for intimate relationships. Isolation is where we stumble, believe lies about ourselves, and forget about our invaluable worth. That’s not what God intends for us. So instead we plant, grow, and nurture beautiful friendships in our lives that become the flowers in great gardens of healthy community.

Belonging and participating in such a community fulfills the longing we have to know and be known by others on a deep and meaningful level. We love the comfort of connecting with a friend who knows everything about us and loves us anyway. God has given us these huge tender hearts to share with others and open up for them to come in and be warmed by our love and friendship.  And in turn, we love that our friends will challenge us, encourage us, inspire us, give us the hard truth when needed, or just sit with us in companionable silence if need be.

That’s what I miss the most: that wonderful community of close girlfriends that I can walk through life with. And I dare say that these relationships are even more important in Christian community where we can pray for one another, study the Word together, and serve one another in love. Who else, besides another woman, can understand the daily battles and triumphs you experience? Who else can understand all the different roles you must step into—mother, wife, daughter, sister, chauffer, employee, boss, athlete, chef, laundress, maid, artist, hostess, or domestic goddess? We can laugh, cry, rejoice, and relate with one another.

As we try to fulfill all the different roles in our lives, it is easy to become discouraged or to feel inadequate when looking at the life of another woman who appears to have it all together. But let’s be honest—there are times when we have it together and times that we don’t, no matter who you are. And when we don’t have it together, we are comforted and uplifted to know we have a female friend who truly understands what it’s like and can speak that encouraging word, drop that sweet note, or give that much needed hug. I think women need to unite together so that we can uplift and celebrate one another instead of tearing one another down through comparison and jealousy.

This longing I have for the ability to physically be in those friendships still has highlighted the importance of community for me. God is showing me that I miss it because it’s important and because he made it to be an integral part of my life as a woman. And he is also showing me that it is important for me to reach out and take steps to find a new community and make new friendships here, even though I still cherish and maintain long distance friendships.

It’s not always easy or desirable to keep showing up or to make an effort in friendship when we don’t feel like it or if we’ve been hurt. But hopefully we will all realize the importance of those relationships and how God has created us to engage on a deep level with other women. There is something so special about being a woman. And there is something spiritual and powerful about being women together. We are empowered through these relationships.

"Today I encourage you to think about the women in your life. Be amazed by them. Allow them to be amazed by you. Encourage and empower them. Strengthen each other. Love each other. Celebrate each other! Cherish and fiercely protect your female relationships, for in the midst of all that our culture demands of us women, it is in those relationships that you have the potential to find a special kind of healing, compassion, and acceptance."

Warm Hands, Warm Hearts

"A cup of coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent." 

A hot drink cupped lovingly between your hands. Soaking in its warmth and willing it to reach all the way down to your toes. A small round table separating you from a beautiful brunette friend. 

You glance around the small coffee shop, drinking in the rich aroma of coffee in the air. The sounds of the espresso machine humming, coffee beans grinding, and lilting conversations rise and swirl around, creating the background music for your afternoon.

The two of you indulge in a blueberry muffin with sugar sprinkles glittering on top and slowly sip as you catch up on the details of life that have accrued since the last updates were swapped. You lean back into your chair and bring yours knees up to get comfortable and settle in, knowing that you'll enjoy as many minutes together as you can.

She shares her worries about the future and about how she is bravely taking steps to really be present where she finds herself now. You share your dreams of creative ventures you'd like to pursue and the accompanying doubts and fears. Both of you talk of your families and laugh yourselves into stitches reminiscing about memories of the past. 

All of these things are shared because there is an unspoken understanding and heart connection between two old and dear friends. The space of this special friendship is safe and sacred. Grace and love abound, as well as honesty and encouragement. The hours float past and when it's time to part ways there are hugs and promises for a next time.

You walk away smiling because what is better than sharing life with your soul sister in the world of warm drinks and warm hearts?