Heartfelt Advice

My daughter just started her first year in college and as I was flying here today, I didn’t feel like I had anything to share with you that you hadn’t already learned here. I took out my journal and looked up the things that I wrote to my daughter as she was sitting there listening to one of her professors on her first day as a Freshman. These are the things that I wrote to tell my daughter: You are never alone and there is never trouble that is beyond help. Your father loves you and your Heavenly Father loves you. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow may never come, but as long as we have today, it’s never too late. Question with boldness. Read what they tell you not to. Challenge everything. The educated of this time are growing arrogant, and arrogance leads to darkness. Sunlight is the best disinfectant. However, sanitizer is a must, especially in New York City. In New York City, honey, it’s best both times just not to touch. Look for the exits. They may save your life. Respect others. Know that they are most likely afraid, just like you. In fact, I found more arrogant and forceful they become, the more afraid they are. The worst thing in life you can do is dishonor yourself or your family and then go living a life without setting it right. Marry for love, marry for laughs, but most importantly, as my wife Tania taught me, marry with God. For without God, life’s storms are too strong to withstand. Wealth and fame are an illusion. We’ve been rich, we’ve been poor. We’ve been happy both times. The only times I’ve truly been miserable is when I was lying to myself or to others. Alcohol and drugs make life easier for a very short time and then they destroy. There is no experience that is bad. Experience just is. It’s what you do with that experience, how you’ll use it. Will it shape your life for the better and help you become a stronger person? Or will you allow those experiences to smother and destroy you? Call 911 first and then call your dad. Always have a picture on your desk of someone you admire. Don’t let life wash over you wave after wave. You’re not a rock. Learn from the waves. Learn from the currents. Choose to sail. “I am that I am” is the most powerful phrase in any language, as it is the name of God. Never use it in vain. Use it to create who you want to be. I am, blank. But know if you don’t fill that blank in, someone else will. You can ignore it, but if you do, it will be filled in by others or just life. There will always be many that will try to fill that blank in but only you can fill it in and be happy. The Lord lives and He is personal. He loves you, and he’s always there to help. But we have to train ourselves to hear it. We have to use our faith and exercise it like a muscle. The more we use faith, the louder he becomes. Serve Him in all things. Stand where He asks you to stand. Stand, for you do have a purpose. Your job is just to remember who you are, remember what you agreed upon. We’re meant to be happy. But remember, no pain, no gain. Life is hard and then it gets harder. And then you die. But every single second of life is worth it. Always say what you mean and mean what you say. Turn the other cheek and always forgive. But don’t forget so much that you put yourself in the same situation. Question authority, including everything that I’ve just told you. Make these things true because you know them to be true. You have everything you need. You have everything you need to be happy. May you figure that out before I do. Freedom, rights, are given to man by God. They are His. Protect them. You are the guardian. Private jet travel is the only material thing that can actually change your life. However, refined manner, gentleness, meekness, kindness, will be the only currency of any true value. Stuff doesn’t matter. Forgiveness is divine. The atonement is real. You are worthy. Hell is an eternity of regret, not being able to forgive yourself. Haves smell worse in the summer. Walk a lot and never stop noticing things around you. When you do, change your ways or change your address. People are good. They want to do the right thing. Give them the opportunity. Shadows are darkest at noon, and it always gets colder before sunrise. It’s never wrong to do the right thing. Learn to love others that you don’t know or really don’t like. Read the scriptures every day. They are alive, and He speaks to you through them. There are no coincidences in life. Learn, laugh, love. Sleep hard and sleep less. Pray on your knees. To whom much is given, much is required. You’ve been given the world and beyond. Only date those who love you as much as I do. Only date those who will treat you as I have tried. Never want anything too much. You’ll always end up paying too high of a price one way or another. If you must shoot, shoot to kill. Labels are meaningless. Someone you meet today is afraid or suffering. Find them. Comfort them. Never let the sun go down without saying you’re sorry for your wrongs. Your dad misses you. Call him. Call him now. What? Why haven’t you called him yet? Life goes by far too fast. Keep a journal. Write what you think; write what you question; write what you know. There is order in all things. Stay in that order. Stay in the flow. You will find very few real friends in life. Cherish them. Things will change and you’ll fall in and out of each other’s lives, but when you do come back, it will be as if you never left. The hardest thing to do is to admit failure, to admit weakness. Only the very strong do. The weak never ask for help. Fasting is prayer. Fasting without prayer is a diet. And why? Why haven’t you called your father yet?

— Glenn Beck’s commencement address at Liberty University

Where are my pants?

During the process of applying for the Future Leaders program at McLean Bible Church, I really had to think and pray about whether this is what God might be calling me to as the next step into my future. A year ago, the thought of applying for and anxiously hoping that I would get accepted to a leadership program would have been nearly impossible to imagine. I have never fancied myself a leader, and I have spent the majority of my life fearing and resisting leadership. Honestly, most of the time it scares the pants off me. But the God we serve is in the business of changing hearts and transforming people. God has been showing me how he has changed the desires of my heart to match those of his own, and it is amazing and exciting to see. It brings to mind Psalm 37:4:

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will grant you the desires of your heart."

Now this verse is not trying to tell us that if we follow God he is going to give us everything we want. It is saying that the more we lean into him and seek to know him more, he will change the desires of our hearts. Our desires will be one and the same as his, and then, of course, we will see the desires of our hearts granted, because they will be in accordance to his will. I love this verse and all that it implies...especially because I am seeing it so concretely in my life.

The more that I have been seeking God in the quiet and delighting myself in him, he has transformed the desires of my heart--I now am embracing the idea of becoming a leader and want to seek to take steps toward being able to confidently step into such a role. If I look back to even just this past school year, I didn't have this strong desire to be trained as a leader. Like I mentioned earlier, I mostly resisted the idea. But now, my heart embraces this idea! Yes, it is still scary to me, but God isn't asking me to be fearless, just faithful. (So basically, even though I may be scared pants-less, I can still embrace things standing in my underwear. Haha.) I am not excited and expectant about what God wants to teach me and show me and prepare me for. I am at such a crossroads in my life. I'm trying to figure out who I am and who God wants me to become. I'm trying to figure out what specific area of ministry God is calling me to, and how to take steps towards that end. 

I know that God is calling me to big, great things in the future, but he still needs to teach me, to break me down and refine me, to increase my faith and strength, and to equip me for all that is ahead. How can I not be excited?! 

Now, as I prepare for my preliminary phone interview for the Future Leaders program, I have to ask myself why I want to be in this program. The answer is not difficult to provide. The trials and difficulties that I have faced in my life, largely in the past year or two, I have come to cling to 1 Peter 1:6-7, which I have cited here before. This passage tells us to "be glad, because there is wonderful joy ahead, even though we must endure many trials for a short while." The joy comes because the trials are testing and refining our faith to prove it is genuine. And once we stand firm in our faith through trials, it will bring us great glory and honor when Christ reveals himself. 

So in the midst of really difficult days, I have to stop and ask myself that same question I posed here before: What do I ultimately want: whatever my selfish desire is OR a faith that has been refined and proved of more worth than gold? Well, maybe I want both, but that's not Go's intent. the key word is "ultimately." What do I ultimately want? I want the faith that has been refined and strengthened and proved of more worth than gold with my deepest inmost heart and self.

And I find more joy in knowing that the more trials I go through, the more endurance and character I build, the more my faith is refined and strengthened--and all that is preparing me to become an authentic and effective leader in the future. I have to be able to walk through the desert and valleys in my spiritual journey and come face-to-face with painful hardships and stand firm alone, clinging solely to God and my faith in his great power and love. Once I know that I can stand firm on my own, and see with my own eyes that God truly is ALL I need, then I can embrace true leadership. Because if I can't withstand testing and trials on my own, without others to pull me through, how will I ever be able to lead or help someone else who is in the desert or valley of their own spiritual journey?

     "...No one can help anyone without becoming involved, without entering with his or her whole person into the painful situation, without taking the risk of becoming hurt, wounded, or even destroyed in the process.... 

    Who can save a child from a burning house without taking the risk of being hurt by the flames? Who can listen to a story of loneliness and despair without taking the risk of experiencing similar pains and even losing precious peace of mind? In short, 'Who can take away suffering without entering into it?'

    The great illusion of leadership is to think that others can be led out of the desert by someone who has never been there."   (excerpt from "Wounded Healer")

    "Pastoral care means: offering your own life-experience to your fellow travelers and, as Paul Simon sings, to lay yourself down like a bridge over troubled waters."    (excerpt from "Creative Ministry")

-Henri Nouwen

God is using my wounds to build me up to be a healer. He wants me to pursue my dreams, knowing he is leading me. I can see that God is molding me into a leader and healer through the wounds I have suffered. I think that being able to share your suffering with another is such a crucial part of deep and meaningful ministry. People can’t be led out of the desert by someone who has never been there. To me, caring for someone and ministering to their heart means being open and vulnerable about your own life-experiences and laying yourself down as a bridge over troubled waters. We must be real and be able to show that we are human; we struggle, we aren’t perfect; but we do have an almighty God whom we serve who compensates for our imperfections and overcomes them. 

In realizing all of these things, I am now inspired to be a leader and want to run after that call God has placed on my heart, and I am now ready at this point in my life. I know that God has been weaving all of these things together in my mind. The many lessons he has been teaching me I feel affirm that God is calling me to be a leader.  God is showing me so much and working in my heart in so many ways that it’s hard to adequately express everything and it’s a bit overwhelming, but overwhelming in a good way. I am ready to embrace, with arms and heart wide open, whatever is next.

This Week's Fighter Verse

"Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever."      (1 John 2:15-17)

Trust

TRUST.

trust

 [truhst] 

–noun

1.

reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of aperson or thing; confidence.

2.

confident expectation of something; hope.

Last night I went to Frontline Arlington, a ministry for young adults through McLean Bible Church, and the message was so very pertinent to my life and what I see God is trying to teach me. The sermon centered around trusting God, and how Christians develop that complete trust in God's ultimate plan for us. It is part of a series they are doing called "Make it Count," which is  based on the premise that Christians should be seeking to live their lives to make them count for what matters most: God's glory and furthering his kingdom.

So...how does one go about doing this? First, we must have willing hearts. We come before God and say, "Here I am, take me; use me for your name and your fame." Then, we have to trust that God is going to answer our prayer to use us for his purposes--to "make our lives count." How often do we pray faithlessly, and then find ourselves surprised when we see God answer a specific prayer? For me, it's too often, I'm sad to admit.

In order to live a bold life for Christ, we must trust in the POWER of Christ. We must dispel our doubts and truly cling to the promises of God. We must work at developing the trust needed to live boldly for Christ, and there are a few ways in which trust is developed.

Trust is developed through difficulty. In times of trial and hardship, when we feel that we are at our wit's end we turn to God, because we see so much more clearly how he is the only one we can truly trust. And how lucky for us, because as Christians, we are promised difficulties in this world; so we will have many opportunities to develop our trust in the power of Christ.

"Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me. I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I  have overcome the world."    (John 16:33)

God's will is almost never easy. It is in the difficult moments that God is teaching us to trust him, to surrender control, to acknowledge his sovereignty and goodness, and to believe what he has promised us. Our trials bring about a greater good. In this we should ultimately find joy.

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."   (James 1:2-4)

Again, God's will is almost never easy. He will ask us to be bold in our faith by taking a great leap of faith. We can see this in many instances throughout the Bible, and each time God asked his servant to do something difficult, they responded by questioning how they could do such and thing and denying their ability to fulfill his request. And every time God answered, "I will be with you." ("Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me.") With God at our side, nothing is impossible. We don't have to be able to do anything in our own power, because it is God's power that works within us...we just have to trust it.

Trust is developed through weakness. We trust God when we are in way over our heads; when we have no other choice, because we are forced to. In our weakness we find God's strength being made perfect. And when we only search for and allow things in our lives that we can handle on our own, we are limiting God, his POWER, and his greater plan and purpose. God is asking me (and every other Christian in the world) to trust him wholly, completely, with EVERYTHING in my life-- not just with the things I want to and not just with what's easy. Nope. He says EVERYTHING. I am realizing that for so long I have not been truly trusting God with everything. The terms of my trust in God have been largely dictated by me, and they have not included all areas of my life. There are things that I want to remain in control of, but in doing that I am missing out on so much. God has so much more planned for me than I am allowing him to work out in my life, because I choose to hold the reins at times. I must surrender and TRUST.

Christianity is all about God doing in us, for us, and through us, more than we could ever imagine and what we could never do on our own. Case in point: the gospel. We couldn't save or redeem ourselves; God did it for us and in us, and chooses to go above and beyond by working through us to reach others. We have God's power within us. Paul's life is a great example for us in how he truly trusted God's power   and lived boldly in his faith as a result:

"So we tell others about Christ, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all the wisdom God has given us. We want to present them to God, perfect in their relationship with Christ. That's why I work hard and struggle so hard, depending on Christ's mighty power that works within me."   (Colossians 1:28-29)

In our difficulties we develop trust, in our weakness we develop trust, and finally through worship we develop trust. Worship is our response to who God is. When we meditate on the character of God, we know that we can put our total trust in him, and that we should do so. Worshipping God for how amazing he is motivates us to live our lives to "make it count" and be bold in our faith. And being bold for Christ doesn't mean that we don't have fears, worries, or hesitations, it just means that we are willing to trust God and take a leap of faith to live for the renown of God.

Boldness for Christ starts with trust in the power of Christ.

"You must trust Me wholly. This lesson has to be learnt. You shall be helped, you shall be led, guided, continually. The children of Israel would long before have entered the Promised Land -- only their doubts and fears continually drove them back into the wilderness. Remember always, doubts delay. Are you trusting all to Me or not?

I have told you how to live and you must do it. My children, I love you. Trust My tender Love. It will never fail you, but you must learn not to fail it.

Oh! could you see, you would understand. You have much to learn in turning out fear and being at peace. All your doubts arrest My work. You must not doubt. I died to save you from sin and doubt and worry. You must believe in Me absolutely."

Fighter Verses

While I was still living in Minnesota I was attending Bethlehem Baptist church, which John Piper pastors. Something that I loved about the church was the commitment of its members to memorize scripture. Each week there was a new fighter verse for the congregation to memorize, and it would be recited then at the service. Bookmarks with a checklist of the fighter verses and the dates on which the week's memorization would be given were handed out at most services, and I have one marking my place in my own Bible. I wanted to challenge and encourage others to join in this journey of scripture memorization, because we ought to dedicate ourselves to knowing God's Word that we may hide it in our hearts.

The link for the fighter verse website is: http://www.fighterverses.com/set-1-core-esv/week-7/.

"How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Praise be to you, LORD; teach me your decrees. With my lips I recount all the laws that come from your mouth. I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches. I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways. I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word."
(Psalm 119:9-16)


Tomorrow is the start of a new week and the next fighter verse is Romans 8:1.

"So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus."

  

Humbled that the King would use me, a lowly servant

Today I was privileged to have a conversation with a friend who is very near and dear to my heart. We talk fairly regularly, and I enjoy every conversation; I always hang up the phone in a much better mood than when I first picked it up. After our conversation this morning, I was really struck by how God has blessed us both greatly through this friendship. It is a friendship in which we are a source understanding, encouragement, strength, comfort, joy, and of laughter for one another.

We have both been trying to navigate similar difficult situations and I feel that we have held each other's hands through many of the roughest patches. It has been neat to see how God uses her to speak to me as she shares her heart openly and honestly, and it has been humbling to see how God has used me to speak to her as she encounters so many hurts and struggles that I have trodden through myself. Since God comforted me first, I am able to provide comfort to her in turn. I praise the Lord that he is a God who uses flawed human beings to help in doing his work. I am deeply humbled that God has used my pain and brokenness to speak to another hurting heart, because I know the light that can be brought to the heart's inner darkness by simply knowing you are understood by someone else. It is an unspeakable wonderful and moving privilege. It is an honor.

I do not deserve to be used in such an amazing way, and it's not like God needs my help to fulfill his purposes. Yet God answered my prayers for him to speak through me to my friend in her hurt and need, and he answered that prayer very clearly during our conversation. After I had shared what God had been speaking to the pain in my heart recently, she told me that it was really what she needed to hear at that moment, and that my words had really hit her hard. Tears welled up in my eyes, not only because I understood and felt her pain, but mostly because I knew that my words were actually God's, being spoken through me to her heart.

Those small moments of spiritual intimacy with God, where he uses me in his work, make the pain and suffering and brokenness worth it. God uses all of the difficult things in our lives to call forth beauty and bring glory to his name. How can I not be humbled to know that the King would use me, a lowly servant? And how can I not rejoice in my sufferings, as Paul tells us we ought, when I know that "the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ"? (2 Cor. 1:5)

There is always a bigger picture than what I can grasp. But, I know that God has comforted me greatly in the trials and suffering I have faced. He continues to comfort me now. And I know that in the future he will remain a comfort to me as well. Now, I pray that God would continue to use me and my experiences of divine comfort to bring comfort to others who face their own trials and suffering. I delight in seeing God's hand bringing light and hope to a bleak situation. I delight in seeing him glorified. I am humbled by his great love for me, and every single one of his children. And in this new humility, I find great encouragement.

"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ."
(2 Corinthians 1:3-5)

Never Ruffled

This is the daily devotional I read for today and it seemed fitting with today's and other previous blogs:

"Even were I never to speak to you, you would be well rewarded for the setting apart this time, if you only sat still and longed for Me, if you just drew hungering breaths for Me, as you do for the fresh pure air of the open.

Be still, be calm. Wait before Me. Learn of Me, patience, humility, peace. When will you be absolutely unruffled whatever happens? You are slow to learn your lesson. In the rush and work and worry, the very seeking a silence must help.

In bustle so little is accomplished. You must learn to take the calm with you in the most hurried days."

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is
stayed on thee: because he trusts in thee." Isaiah 26:3

Take Heart

Today I was reading Acts 14, and while there were a number of things that I took notes on, there was one particular part of the passage that stood out to me: verses 21-27.

In this part of the chapter Paul and Barnabas have completed the work they set out to do and are returning to the places they had previously visited (Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch of Pisidia). At each of these places "...they strengthened the believers. They encouraged them to continue in the faith, reminding them that we must suffer many hardships to enter the Kingdom of God" (v. 22).

This passage struck me, because Paul and Barnabas were following through with their ministry. They had gathered believers in Christ's name, but they returned to strengthen them. And they did this by "encourag[ing] them to continue in the faith, reminding them that we must suffer many hardships to enter the Kingdom of God." They did not sugar coat things, they spoke plainly.

We, as believers, are not promised an easy way simply because we follow Jesus. We do not become disciples because are lives will become perfect. In fact, we are actually promised suffering and trials as believers. We must give up our lives and take up our crosses-- not exactly easy or necessarily enticing. But if we willing choose to be Christ's disciples, knowing we are promised trials, why are we so upset, angry, bitter, (insert other adjective) with God when we encounter trials in our lives?

Should we not acknowledge that we had suspected they would one day come, and then proceed to submit to the Lord's leading, trusting his sovereign hand over all and his promises to complete the good work he began in us and to make all things work together for our good? (Phil. 1:9; Rom. 8:23). Easier said than done. It is not at all easy to do this. And acknowledging and accepting a trial does not mean that we cannot or should not feel sad, hurt, broken, confused, angry, frustrated, or upset when we walk through trials...that is largely what makes it a trial: we face a hard situation in which we experience difficulty and darkness and overwhelming feelings.

Yet, we must choose God over all of these things. We can take heart that with God everything is possible, even walking through a seemingly impossible trial. We can take heart, because we can rejoice in suffering and find true joy in holding Christ as our true treasure and ultimate prize. We can take heart, because we are strengthened in faith, by the fire's refining flame. And we can take heart, because we have already claimed the ultimate victory, because Jesus has overcome the world.

"I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. "    


"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with love."


"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold-- though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world."


"'I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.'"

In the Quiet

Today I was challenged to find my spiritual encouragement in being quiet before the Lord and really LISTENING to what he wanted to speak to my heart. It is so easy for me to look to the words of encouraging and inspirational books and to neglect the deepest part of prayer: listening. The daily devotional that I read really put it to me this morning:

"The Divine Voice is not always expressed in words. It is made known as heart-consciousness."

Whoa. Like I said: challenging. I realized that this was challenging to me, because not only do I have a hard time quieting myself and just sitting in stillness and silence before the Lord, but I also have a sinful fear in my heart that hinders me from tapping into the amazing blessings that await  when I spend necessary time in total solitude with God, opening my heart to hear what he has to say. 

It is easy for us to come to God with a million requests or burdens on our hearts, and he will gladly listen to all we have to say. But too often it is a one-sided conversation. Prayer is a conversation with God that connects our heart to his, and when we are doing all the talking it seems to negate the fullness of our personal relationship with our Lord and Savior. We are missing out on all he wants to say to us. He wants to provide comfort, wisdom, encouragement, joy, knowledge, and peace--yet we don't give him the time of day. I am so guilty of this.

"Why?" I asked myself. To be completely honest: fear. I am afraid that if I take the time to stop and really listen to what God has to say to me that he might tell me something I don't want to hear. That is pure selfishness, and is not the way of a true disciple, and I am praying against that selfishness and fear that hinder me from experiencing true communion with God and discovering all that he has for me. Fear becomes an obstacle in our faith. It is an obstacle that we construct and it distances us from God. I know that I must pray hard to break down that obstacle I have created, and today in realizing my fear, I have taken that first step.

I am fearful that God is asking me to lay aside something that I'm not very willing to lay aside. I want to know if it is something he wants me to lay aside just for a season, or if it is permanent. I want clarity for the future, but this is not necessarily in my best interest. When I asked God about it today and stopped to listen in quietness for his answer, this is what he spoke to my heart:

"My child, it does not matter. It is not for you to know right now. It only matters that you surrender it to me now; today, and each day after, if I ask it of you. 

You are not promised tomorrow. Why get entangled in the unknown and unsure? 

Trust in Me today. I will provide you what you need to get you through each day, just as I provided enough manna for each day for the children of Israel. 

Look at ME. Why cast your eyes aside, only to lose sight of me each time? Look at ME. I am the answer. I am the way."

God provides us with the light of his hope when darkness threatens. He comforts us in his great love, and we can throw our arms around his neck to welcome his warm, all-encompassing embrace. We are his children; he is our Father, and he loves us as such. What a wonderful God we serve! Let us praise his whole being! Let us truly love him!

"Oh that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know him. he will respond as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring."            (Hosea 6:3)

Indeed we should exclaim this! Oh, that we might know him. He allows us, in his boundless grace, to approach his throne, to enter into his presence, and to know him intimately. What a beautiful, simple verse. The beauty of knowing him. The beauty of our pressing on to know him and the ensuing journey of faith. The beauty in his perfect, assured response. The simplicity of seeking and finding. The simplicity of an everlasting guarantee.

Refine me, Lord, through the flames

Lately, I feel like I have been wrestling with God about some things in my life that I am struggling to surrender completely to him. In my prayers, I can argue in circles and try to convince myself (and God) that it really isn't necessary for me to let go of this or that. But in the moments when I cease my monologue and allow God to whisper to my heart, he always asks me what I ultimately want more: this thing, relationship, opportunity, etc. OR to endure the trial and suffering of letting go and having my faith refined through that flame.

Do I ultimately desire the faith that's proved of more worth than gold? YES....But then I must live this out every single day, knowing that my refined faith brings me closer and closer to my beloved Father in heaven. This is me choosing God over my own selfish desires. This is me choosing to trust God's promises to prosper me and not harm me, to give me a hope and a future; and to work all things together for my good (Jeremiah 29:11; Romans 8:28). Refine me, Lord, through the flames.

"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a short while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fires tests and purifies gold-- though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the world."                   (1 Peter 1:6-7)

The Desert Song Lyrics

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

I Want...

Stopping to evaluate what I want out of life, what I'm seeking, how I'm seeking those things, and how God's hand is over, in, and through all of it, is a challenging yet awakening thing. I was flipping through an old journal of mine, and came across something that I wrote more than a year ago. But in coming back to it, I realized that it expresses desires that remain in my heart and while a million details in my life have changed, the way God speaks to my heart will always be something constant that I can count on.

I Want

I want to write my life into comprehension and total understanding.

I want to write until all the random bits and pieces fly into their rightful places, so everything is clear and without confusion. Yet, were I to write my life away, I would write God away and out of my life. I need the unknown and confusion in my life. Were I to write them into nice, neat equations with logical answers, I would have no reason to cling to God. I would not learn through struggle and trial and hardship. Without pain how do I learn to persevere?

I want to persevere. I want to choose perseverance above the desires of my flesh for simplicity and easiness.

I want my eyes fixed on heaven, not on earth. I desire the wisdom to see beyond my present circumstances, knowing God has a greater purpose and I don’t need the answers. I may never know them. I don’t have to have things under control. I don’t have to have the answers. The pressure is off.

I want to trust like a small child, unconcerned with the uncertainties of the future, and just living in the moment God has given.

I want to embrace pain and confusion.

I want to face them with joy in my heart.

I want to see how they hone my character and strengthen my hope and faith.

I want to be broken down and made nothing.

I want to no longer resemble who I once thought I was.

I want to be dust carried away on the wind.

I want to pray boldly and fearlessly for brokenness so that I may experience cleansing and renewal to be made more in God’s likeness. More of him and less of me. May I desire nothing more than becoming evermore like my Savior. What cost should I not be willing to pay in pursuit of my Father? Why do I fear brokenness when I know that it brings forth breathtaking beauty? Why do I forget that his power is made perfect in my weakness? When I am stripped of comforts and certainties, God gives us permission to start again new. Everyone holds the desire to start again new somewhere in the deep recesses of their being.

I want to start again. Why the hesitation?

I want to break free from Satan and take hold of what Christ has set out for me to claim.

I have a hope and a future. May I strive for it, not against it.

I want to be made whole and new in Christ.

I want to attain all that Christ has for me.

I want to follow the path he has laid out for me to journey.

I want to find God in the valleys and on the mountaintops.

I want to feel his presence and know his reality every step of the way. My peace is found in knowing that even when I stumble and fall or stray from the lighted path, my God’s hand is gently pulling me back onto my feet and guiding them back to the trail I am to follow.

I want to push hindrances aside.

I want to run the race with perseverance.

I want to be a witness for Christ

I want to stop and smell the flowers along the trail without worry of consequence.

I want to dance along that trail with my Maker.

I want to dance in the rain and the sunshine.

I want to be romanced by the greatest lover of all time.

I want to stand on his feet as we turn round and round in the dance of a lifetime.

I want to be a small daughter dancing with her Father, following wherever he leads.

I want to embrace confusion.

I want to persevere.

I want to trust.

I want to pray boldly.

I want to be stripped of myself.

I want to be made new.

I want to break free and claim Christ.

I want to journey with a peaceful heart.

I want to dance.

I want to be romanced.

I want to love and be loved.

I want to follow where He leads.

Ebb and Flow

I am at a period in my life where I am experiencing a lot of transitions; physical, emotional, and spiritual. In the midst of transition I often find myself feeling unsettled and overwhelmed by so much change and newness. Nothing is known or predictable during transition and that can be simultaneously frightening and exhilarating. For me transition and change can be a pretty emotional thing, because I rely so much (perhaps too much) on routine and predictability. So there are definitely days when I ride up and down on the waves of my feelings--both good and bad. This is when it is essential for me to turn to God, because he alone is constant, even when my world is continually changing. In him I will find rest and peace.

Currently, I am reading "Seeds of Hope," which is a book comprised of excerpts from different books written by the late Henri Nouwen. It is an amazing book that God uses to speak to my heart every time I open it up. I was given this book as a gift from Aimee, the mother of the family who hosted me last summer when I worked at 4th Presbyterian Church. She shared with me that it was a book that she had read when she was my age and it had a profound impact on her life. Inside the book Aimee has underlined parts of passages that spoke to her and also wrote short notes to me on stickies. This gesture deeply touched me, and I search out and cherish the things that she has written and underlined, because I respect and admire her faith so much. A few days ago I found a prayer that Aimee had flagged, and she had written to me that is was a prayer that she has prayed many times throughout her life, and that she prays for me. It is a prayer that speaks to my heart now in the middle of transition, and that I know will continue to speak to me throughout my life. For this reason, I wanted to share it with others.

It is my prayer that this prayer will speak to your heart in a deep way and remind you of the comfort, strength, and hope that we have in Christ and God, our heavenly Father.

A Prayer to the God of Ebb and Flow


"Dear Lord, today I thought of the words of Vincent Van Gogh: 'It is true there is an ebb and flow, but the sea remains the sea.' You are the sea. Although I experience many ups and downs in my emotions, and often feel great shifts and changes in my inner life, you remain the same. Your sameness is not the sameness of a rock, but the sameness of a faithful lover. Out of your love I came to life; by your love I am sustained; and to your love I am always called back. There are days of sadness and days of joy; there are feelings of guilt and feelings of gratitude; there are moments of failure and moments of success; but all of them are embraced by your unwavering love.
My only real temptation is to doubt in your love, to think of myself as beyond the reach of your love, to remove myself from the healing radiance of your love. To do these things is to move into the darkness of despair.
O Lord, sea of love and goodness, let me not fear too much the storms and winds of my daily life, and let me know that there is an ebb and flow but that the sea remains the sea. Amen.


--excerpt from "A Cry for Mercy"

Here Goes Nothing

I have decided to finally start a blog. I feel it has been a long time coming, because I am always so excited when another of my friends has started a blog and I can read about their different adventures and their insights on life. And each time, I think to myself: "I should really start my own blog." And now I actually am.

So... here goes nothing. I am not even sure what I want this blog to look like or be about, but I do know that I want it to be real, down-to-earth, moving, honest, inspiring, encouraging, and most of all, glorifying to God. I want my blog to reflect who I am and how God is shaping my heart and my life so that others may see the wonderful hope that he is and how he works in extraordinary ways in the lives of ordinary people.