I Want...

Stopping to evaluate what I want out of life, what I'm seeking, how I'm seeking those things, and how God's hand is over, in, and through all of it, is a challenging yet awakening thing. I was flipping through an old journal of mine, and came across something that I wrote more than a year ago. But in coming back to it, I realized that it expresses desires that remain in my heart and while a million details in my life have changed, the way God speaks to my heart will always be something constant that I can count on.

I Want

I want to write my life into comprehension and total understanding.

I want to write until all the random bits and pieces fly into their rightful places, so everything is clear and without confusion. Yet, were I to write my life away, I would write God away and out of my life. I need the unknown and confusion in my life. Were I to write them into nice, neat equations with logical answers, I would have no reason to cling to God. I would not learn through struggle and trial and hardship. Without pain how do I learn to persevere?

I want to persevere. I want to choose perseverance above the desires of my flesh for simplicity and easiness.

I want my eyes fixed on heaven, not on earth. I desire the wisdom to see beyond my present circumstances, knowing God has a greater purpose and I don’t need the answers. I may never know them. I don’t have to have things under control. I don’t have to have the answers. The pressure is off.

I want to trust like a small child, unconcerned with the uncertainties of the future, and just living in the moment God has given.

I want to embrace pain and confusion.

I want to face them with joy in my heart.

I want to see how they hone my character and strengthen my hope and faith.

I want to be broken down and made nothing.

I want to no longer resemble who I once thought I was.

I want to be dust carried away on the wind.

I want to pray boldly and fearlessly for brokenness so that I may experience cleansing and renewal to be made more in God’s likeness. More of him and less of me. May I desire nothing more than becoming evermore like my Savior. What cost should I not be willing to pay in pursuit of my Father? Why do I fear brokenness when I know that it brings forth breathtaking beauty? Why do I forget that his power is made perfect in my weakness? When I am stripped of comforts and certainties, God gives us permission to start again new. Everyone holds the desire to start again new somewhere in the deep recesses of their being.

I want to start again. Why the hesitation?

I want to break free from Satan and take hold of what Christ has set out for me to claim.

I have a hope and a future. May I strive for it, not against it.

I want to be made whole and new in Christ.

I want to attain all that Christ has for me.

I want to follow the path he has laid out for me to journey.

I want to find God in the valleys and on the mountaintops.

I want to feel his presence and know his reality every step of the way. My peace is found in knowing that even when I stumble and fall or stray from the lighted path, my God’s hand is gently pulling me back onto my feet and guiding them back to the trail I am to follow.

I want to push hindrances aside.

I want to run the race with perseverance.

I want to be a witness for Christ

I want to stop and smell the flowers along the trail without worry of consequence.

I want to dance along that trail with my Maker.

I want to dance in the rain and the sunshine.

I want to be romanced by the greatest lover of all time.

I want to stand on his feet as we turn round and round in the dance of a lifetime.

I want to be a small daughter dancing with her Father, following wherever he leads.

I want to embrace confusion.

I want to persevere.

I want to trust.

I want to pray boldly.

I want to be stripped of myself.

I want to be made new.

I want to break free and claim Christ.

I want to journey with a peaceful heart.

I want to dance.

I want to be romanced.

I want to love and be loved.

I want to follow where He leads.