Ebb and Flow

I am at a period in my life where I am experiencing a lot of transitions; physical, emotional, and spiritual. In the midst of transition I often find myself feeling unsettled and overwhelmed by so much change and newness. Nothing is known or predictable during transition and that can be simultaneously frightening and exhilarating. For me transition and change can be a pretty emotional thing, because I rely so much (perhaps too much) on routine and predictability. So there are definitely days when I ride up and down on the waves of my feelings--both good and bad. This is when it is essential for me to turn to God, because he alone is constant, even when my world is continually changing. In him I will find rest and peace.

Currently, I am reading "Seeds of Hope," which is a book comprised of excerpts from different books written by the late Henri Nouwen. It is an amazing book that God uses to speak to my heart every time I open it up. I was given this book as a gift from Aimee, the mother of the family who hosted me last summer when I worked at 4th Presbyterian Church. She shared with me that it was a book that she had read when she was my age and it had a profound impact on her life. Inside the book Aimee has underlined parts of passages that spoke to her and also wrote short notes to me on stickies. This gesture deeply touched me, and I search out and cherish the things that she has written and underlined, because I respect and admire her faith so much. A few days ago I found a prayer that Aimee had flagged, and she had written to me that is was a prayer that she has prayed many times throughout her life, and that she prays for me. It is a prayer that speaks to my heart now in the middle of transition, and that I know will continue to speak to me throughout my life. For this reason, I wanted to share it with others.

It is my prayer that this prayer will speak to your heart in a deep way and remind you of the comfort, strength, and hope that we have in Christ and God, our heavenly Father.

A Prayer to the God of Ebb and Flow


"Dear Lord, today I thought of the words of Vincent Van Gogh: 'It is true there is an ebb and flow, but the sea remains the sea.' You are the sea. Although I experience many ups and downs in my emotions, and often feel great shifts and changes in my inner life, you remain the same. Your sameness is not the sameness of a rock, but the sameness of a faithful lover. Out of your love I came to life; by your love I am sustained; and to your love I am always called back. There are days of sadness and days of joy; there are feelings of guilt and feelings of gratitude; there are moments of failure and moments of success; but all of them are embraced by your unwavering love.
My only real temptation is to doubt in your love, to think of myself as beyond the reach of your love, to remove myself from the healing radiance of your love. To do these things is to move into the darkness of despair.
O Lord, sea of love and goodness, let me not fear too much the storms and winds of my daily life, and let me know that there is an ebb and flow but that the sea remains the sea. Amen.


--excerpt from "A Cry for Mercy"