Monday, June 13, 2011
Fighter Verse
"For there is only one God and one Mediator who can reconcile God and humanity--the man Christ Jesus." 1 Timothy 2:5
Monday, June 6, 2011
Fighter Verse
"O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help. Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord; hear my urgent cry. I will call to you whenever I'm in trouble, and you will answer me." Psalm 86:5-7
Friday, June 3, 2011
Oh, Heart That Is My Own
I have made a little gem of a discovery in the blossoming friendship I have with a superb young gal named Victoria. Her very essence is light and love. In the short amount of time we've had together, it has become deliciously clear that we are kindred spirits.
We are two girls fashioned uniquely by our Maker's divine hand, yet with hearts beating with the same strong force. To understand and relate to her about the conditions of our hearts is bolstering to my soul and spirit within. Unraveling the knots of who we are, who God has made us to be, is a beautiful process that we have gotten to share in blessed little snippets here and there. Sorting out life together in the front seats of my aged Honda Accord, brings me invigorating refreshment. It has also brought me profound clarity and understanding. As we lobbed thoughts and musings back and forth, it was as if in those moments that God parted the clouds of confusion and the unknown that fog my brain so often. Then he let the golden sun shine through, bringing me sharpness of vision that I've never known. How I revel in those moments!
I now hurriedly try to pen all the thoughts and revelations that have tumbled through my brain before I forget them and they fade, as the clouds over my mind roll back into place. It seems as though my thoughts are on tumble dry within my head. I'm trying to snatch a thought, phrase, idea, or musing as it cycles around.
But this is what I have caught out of that tumble and clutched ferociously, that i might put it into words:
I am a lover. Not just in the sense that I'm not a fighter. I am a lover, because once you have stepped into my life in a significant way and I have committed myself to a meaningful relationship with you, you have me-- all of me, forever. I can't do things half-way, and I think that is a result of the heart that beats within my chest. Once I make up my mind, I'm committed, I'm devoted, I'm passionate, I'm undyingly loyal. When I know, I KNOW, and I know unwaveringly. I am not a body with a heart pulsing and feeling inside of me. I am a heart that is only held back from bursting by this body that I inhabit.
I have a heart that feels and experiences everything deeply, and with all that I am. I dare say that I care more than the average person-- not necessarily in a holier-than-thou way, but in a I-feel-more-than-might-be-normal in every circumstance kind of way. This lends itself to a lot of hurt, heartache, and pain. I'm sensitive in spirit. My heart is easily affected and swept away with emotions. When you care so much, you can't help but get hurt that much more. If the love is of a fierce, all-consuming devotion, the converse pain is fierce and all-consuming as well. My heart feels to the depth of my soul. The heart and soul of a believer are so intricately and inextricably linked. Such divine rendering. I wish I had the words to draw beautiful pictures and write into comprehension my thoughts and feelings and experiences.
This sensitive and over-feeling heart of mine has been a source of frustration and discontent for much of my life. I often condemn myself and my heart for caring too much. I have prayed countless times for God to help me not care about something or someone so much, because it hurt to do so. Today, Victoria helped me to shed some light on this heart issue. Like I said, we are kindred spirits, and Victoria has a heart not unlike my own-- she loves wholly, unwaveringly, and deeply just as I do. But, she showed me that God means to bless us through this.
Oh, to embrace the brilliance and beauty of who God made you to be! Oh, to celebrate single attributes and characteristics and discern the blessing of each, and how God want to use it for his glory! I know he doesn't make mistakes. It wasn't a mistake for him to fashion this intense heart and fierce love within me, nor was it a cruel joke. It has glorious beauty. What a gift to be able to experience the imperativeness of love in such dramatic glory and anguish.
God wants me to use my unique, sure heart for his glory. My focus has been so misplaced. I only saw reasons to dislike the tenderness and inexplicable depths that emotions flow to in my heart. But all the while God was waiting for me to look at what it could be used for and the reasons he blessed me with this heart of mine, this heart after his own heart. I can love others with a great love. I love in the way I want and need to be loved back. God desires to use me to love others powerfully that they might be drawn ultimately to him and his infinitely greater and more powerful love.
My heart is full to bursting just now thinking about this and all it means. The doors of possibility have suddenly materialized and swung open before me, beside me, all around me. God created us to be lovers, and he created my heart to be unique and surpassing in its capabilities to love. I must not let Satan claw at my weaknesses and talk me down. I cannot allow him to diminish the power of love.
God has helped me to love myself just as he fashioned me a little bit more. And now with a greater acceptance of myself, I want to tap into all my heart has to offer to love the lost and broken. I will have the opportunity to minister to countless individuals like this during my time with YWAM, and I pray fervently that God would use my heart for his glory, glory, glory.
"If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God." 1 John 3:20-21
We are two girls fashioned uniquely by our Maker's divine hand, yet with hearts beating with the same strong force. To understand and relate to her about the conditions of our hearts is bolstering to my soul and spirit within. Unraveling the knots of who we are, who God has made us to be, is a beautiful process that we have gotten to share in blessed little snippets here and there. Sorting out life together in the front seats of my aged Honda Accord, brings me invigorating refreshment. It has also brought me profound clarity and understanding. As we lobbed thoughts and musings back and forth, it was as if in those moments that God parted the clouds of confusion and the unknown that fog my brain so often. Then he let the golden sun shine through, bringing me sharpness of vision that I've never known. How I revel in those moments!
I now hurriedly try to pen all the thoughts and revelations that have tumbled through my brain before I forget them and they fade, as the clouds over my mind roll back into place. It seems as though my thoughts are on tumble dry within my head. I'm trying to snatch a thought, phrase, idea, or musing as it cycles around.
But this is what I have caught out of that tumble and clutched ferociously, that i might put it into words:
I am a lover. Not just in the sense that I'm not a fighter. I am a lover, because once you have stepped into my life in a significant way and I have committed myself to a meaningful relationship with you, you have me-- all of me, forever. I can't do things half-way, and I think that is a result of the heart that beats within my chest. Once I make up my mind, I'm committed, I'm devoted, I'm passionate, I'm undyingly loyal. When I know, I KNOW, and I know unwaveringly. I am not a body with a heart pulsing and feeling inside of me. I am a heart that is only held back from bursting by this body that I inhabit.
I have a heart that feels and experiences everything deeply, and with all that I am. I dare say that I care more than the average person-- not necessarily in a holier-than-thou way, but in a I-feel-more-than-might-be-normal in every circumstance kind of way. This lends itself to a lot of hurt, heartache, and pain. I'm sensitive in spirit. My heart is easily affected and swept away with emotions. When you care so much, you can't help but get hurt that much more. If the love is of a fierce, all-consuming devotion, the converse pain is fierce and all-consuming as well. My heart feels to the depth of my soul. The heart and soul of a believer are so intricately and inextricably linked. Such divine rendering. I wish I had the words to draw beautiful pictures and write into comprehension my thoughts and feelings and experiences.
This sensitive and over-feeling heart of mine has been a source of frustration and discontent for much of my life. I often condemn myself and my heart for caring too much. I have prayed countless times for God to help me not care about something or someone so much, because it hurt to do so. Today, Victoria helped me to shed some light on this heart issue. Like I said, we are kindred spirits, and Victoria has a heart not unlike my own-- she loves wholly, unwaveringly, and deeply just as I do. But, she showed me that God means to bless us through this.
Oh, to embrace the brilliance and beauty of who God made you to be! Oh, to celebrate single attributes and characteristics and discern the blessing of each, and how God want to use it for his glory! I know he doesn't make mistakes. It wasn't a mistake for him to fashion this intense heart and fierce love within me, nor was it a cruel joke. It has glorious beauty. What a gift to be able to experience the imperativeness of love in such dramatic glory and anguish.
God wants me to use my unique, sure heart for his glory. My focus has been so misplaced. I only saw reasons to dislike the tenderness and inexplicable depths that emotions flow to in my heart. But all the while God was waiting for me to look at what it could be used for and the reasons he blessed me with this heart of mine, this heart after his own heart. I can love others with a great love. I love in the way I want and need to be loved back. God desires to use me to love others powerfully that they might be drawn ultimately to him and his infinitely greater and more powerful love.
My heart is full to bursting just now thinking about this and all it means. The doors of possibility have suddenly materialized and swung open before me, beside me, all around me. God created us to be lovers, and he created my heart to be unique and surpassing in its capabilities to love. I must not let Satan claw at my weaknesses and talk me down. I cannot allow him to diminish the power of love.
God has helped me to love myself just as he fashioned me a little bit more. And now with a greater acceptance of myself, I want to tap into all my heart has to offer to love the lost and broken. I will have the opportunity to minister to countless individuals like this during my time with YWAM, and I pray fervently that God would use my heart for his glory, glory, glory.
"If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God." 1 John 3:20-21
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
YWAM Update
I am currently less than a month out from jetting off to Colorado to begin my DTS. CRAZY! Yesterday I talked to Jonah, one of the leaders of my DTS. He and his wife will be leading me and 9 others who are doing ATWDTS. During the first 10 weeks in Denver, we will be having lecture with the Compassion DTS and spending time with them. After that, the ATWDTS will take off for the outreach phase and put into practice our learning and training!
Jonah informed me that our probable destinations for the outreach phase include:
Mexico
Hong Kong/China
Jordan
Thailand
Holland
I was really hoping that there would be an African country in the mix somewhere, but I know that when the time is right God will send me there. For now, I'm just excited to see what awaits me in all these countries. I did get a little spoiler alert for our time in Thailand. We will be camped out right along the Burmese border and helping Burmese refugees who have fled to the safety of Thailand to get on their feet, ministering to their physical needs and of course sharing the gospel with them! I can't even imagine what it will be like, but I have no doubt that it will deeply impact my life, and hopefully the lives of those we encounter. Please be praying for the hearts of all the people that my team and I will interact with, that their hearts would be open to hear and receive the gospel. Let's pray for transformed lives for Christ!
Jonah informed me that our probable destinations for the outreach phase include:
Mexico
Hong Kong/China
Jordan
Thailand
Holland
I was really hoping that there would be an African country in the mix somewhere, but I know that when the time is right God will send me there. For now, I'm just excited to see what awaits me in all these countries. I did get a little spoiler alert for our time in Thailand. We will be camped out right along the Burmese border and helping Burmese refugees who have fled to the safety of Thailand to get on their feet, ministering to their physical needs and of course sharing the gospel with them! I can't even imagine what it will be like, but I have no doubt that it will deeply impact my life, and hopefully the lives of those we encounter. Please be praying for the hearts of all the people that my team and I will interact with, that their hearts would be open to hear and receive the gospel. Let's pray for transformed lives for Christ!
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