The faith life is definitely a life of adventure and unpredictability. This past week has been the epitome of that for me.
I am not going to South Africa and Mozambique with the African outreach team any longer. I am now a part of the Around the World outreach once again. Craziness, yes, I know. But let me start at the beginning instead of the end. Also, it is a long story, so I'm going to try to be somewhat brief.
A couple weeks ago I was starting to feel a little unsettled about going to Africa, and second-guessing my outreach switch. It was strange, because I was soooo excited to go there--I've been waiting for so long to actually make it to Africa. This was my chance, and the team was going to be doing so many awesome things that I couldn't wait to be a part of. I pushed those feelings aside, thinking that God was trying to teach me to be content, especially because all of the outreaches had been finalized by that point.
The unrest continued, but I just ignored it, because I didn't want it to be a distraction to me from what I was doing here. Then, last weekend, there were a few YWAM students who were let go, because they were involved in some serious areas of sin. This left a spot open on the Around the World outreach, and with that, my restless mind kicked into overdrive wondering what that meant for me. It became such a distraction that I finally went to my small group leader with a need to vent all my confusing thoughts and feelings, and to receive some prayer and advice.
After talking and praying with my small group leader, I went to hash it out with God on my own. I had an awful mindset going into my prayer and reflection time, because I had already resolved I was going to Africa, so there was no need to pray. Wrong. God had something up his sleeve, that's for sure.
While I was praying, God really just convicted my heart of not trusting him. I hadn't trusted him with my finances, I hadn't really consulted with him about choosing Africa, because to me Africa was the perfect choice. He reminded me of my decision to transfer from Concordia to Virginia Tech. It was an extremely difficult decision that I didn't want to make, because a different option made sense in my head. But once I chose obedience over personal desire, God gave me the transcendent peace he promises and he promised to be faithful. It ended up being one of the best decisions I have made in my life, and I was blessed far beyond what I could have ever imagined. If God was faithful then, why couldn't I trust him now?
So, things got set in motion with the DTS Director, and God overcame numerous seemingly impossible obstacles on the way, confirming to me that this was the path he really desired me to be on. It was a crazy week of waiting, confusion, fighting feelings, choosing resolve and obedience; but it was ultimately a blessing and I had a sense of peace about all of it when it was said and done. God is so good. He gave me a second chance to go on the Around the World outreach. He doesn't give up on us, and I'm believing that he is going to be doing and asking big things of me on this outreach, which is scary and exciting. I'm still a little disappointed about not going to Africa, but I know and trust that God has my best interests at heart, and just like before, he will bless me far beyond what I can imagine.
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